Answered Prayers and Harper's Gift

Two days ago, I wrote my daughter's obituary. The day before, Jerry and I planned her funeral. These were never things I wanted to do. I believed with every fiber of my being that I wouldn't have to, but somehow God prepared me to do them. In fact, I knew before I went in for my c-section that this was going to happen. I knew what this blog would be about, and I knew that even though it would hurt like nothing I had ever experienced before, we would be ok.

On Monday, August 19th, I delivered my two precious babies at 29 weeks. Jaxson "Jax" Childrey Roberts weighed 2 lb 15 oz and is 15 inches long. His big sister Harper Solley Roberts weighed 2 lbs 2 oz. They were the most fantastic thing I had ever seen. I love this picture of them for several reasons. One of my silly worries in all of this was that I get at least one picture of them together. God gave me just that. Jax has had some lung issues since Tuesday, but on his birthday he needed no interventions. So I got to hold them together, talk to them together and get my picture I wanted.  God is faithful in even the smallest things, isn't he. I also love it because it just looks like Jax is thanking Jesus for his big sister...something we still do every day. It's just the perfect picture.

So after 9 weeks of prayer and fasting, my daughter met Jesus. She didn't come home or go to the NICU with her brother. She went to heaven.

So did God answer my prayers?

Absolutely. We got exactly what we prayed for.

Every single day, many times a day, we prayed for these babies.... along with all of you...these precious people whom we don't even know, but love our babies enough to pray for them. My prayer times were just me talking to God, with their prayer taggie on my belly and clutching their IVF dish in my hands. I started off by telling God how much I knew he loved my babies, how he was the only person who loved them more than I did. How I thought as their mom that I knew what they needed best, but I knew that he knew more than I did about what they needed. I reminded him of how he had held my babies long before they were in my tummy, when they were in that dish. And i reminded him of how he kept them when we thought we had lost them at 5 weeks. I told him all of this, and I believed it... every single word. I also prayed for Harper's healing and Jax's protection and continued growth--and how if he knew every little thing about them, he could do what was best for them.  I prayed for these little missionaries, that through their story, others would see how awesome God is. How powerful his ways are and how merciful and loving he is. I ended my prayer with asking God to give us two healthy babies. I asked him this a thousand times a day.

And He did.

You see, my sweet Harper didn't take many breaths on this Earth, but God knows her and knew she needed more than this Earth could offer. Her heavenly life was going to be more fulfilling than a life of doctors visits and medical interventions. He knew that although her "life" would be physically on Earth, that life didn't compare to what he wanted to give her. He also knew that as much as Jerry and I wanted to watch this sweet baby to grow in our arms and live and play with her brother, he knew that we needed to live through this and with the blessed assurance that she is so much better than her life would have been here. So he did what he does best... took care of his child, my baby, in the way that was best for her. He continues to take care of us in the process.

Two healthy babies. That's what he gave me. I realized it a few nights ago when I watched Jax in his bassinet.  I was thinking about how fortunate we are that his problems are so few. The perspective you get in this place is so valuable. I thanked Jesus for my precious, healthy boy.... the one the doctors call a "big boy," and for keeping him so safe. Then I thanked God for my sweet girl, who was now so so healthy and happy. Two healthy babies. That's what I have.

I've said for 9 weeks that these babies are missionaries already, that their story was going to touch hearts and lives for Christ even before they were born. I had no idea how big God would answer this part of my prayers. In 9 short weeks, my babies and their story reached literally thousands of people. They quickly had an army of people praying for them around the clock. Almost daily, I received messages from people who were able to share Christ through their story. We received messages from church after church that let us know they were praying. Friends would tell me of how people I didn't know would ask about them and pray for them. These two teeny babies affected our church in fantastic ways. Their journey changed others, but it changed us as well, in ways that I still don't fully comprehend. It changed our prayer lives, our hearts and challenged our faith daily.  I hope I'm with these babies in heaven when they meet all of the lives they've touched.  So much better than any softball win or dance recital I would've witnessed on Earth.

These little teeny babies, are so much to us. And before they were born, they became so much to so many.


Harper looked just like me. I mean exactly like my baby pictures. In some way, I know she would've been a lot like me. She was already a teacher. She taught us how to pray, about God's faithfulness, and how he loves us so unconditionally, but she also taught us how to give. She was the recipient of so many prayers, but in the end it was what she gave us that mattered most. From our first specialist appointment, the doctor told us that she was going to be Jax's angel baby. Her job was to keep her heart beating so that Jax could stay inside and grow as much as possible. In the end, that's exactly what she did. She wasn't stillborn like we had been told she would be, but she kept her heart beating through a fairly traumatic birth experience just so we could have her brother here safe and sound. Her greatest gift to us was her little brother--and what a fantastic gift he is. A "big" relatively healthy preemie boy who has blonde hair looks just like his father. She gave us his life. Thank you, sweet girl. I want to be a giver like Harper when I grow up.

So today, I celebrate one week of my precious son's life.... and one week of my sweet daughter's first day in heaven. I'll be honest, I'm sad...but it's selfish. My baby has already grown for one week, which seems too fast, and my little girl has been gone for a week. I miss her terribly, more so than I should anyone I've only seen for 6 hours. But I know she is my answer to prayer. She definitely has the better deal going on up there.