He's been there.

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love will not be shaken, nor my covenant of peace be removed. Says The Lord who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

I haven't updated in a few days. When big sister is home for the week, all attention (rightfully so) goes  to her. We pack as much activity into her summers as possible. She's at such a fun age...the time when she's someone I truly enjoy enjoy spending time with. Hard to believe she's only been in my life for 3 years. Such a blessing to me! These babies are going to love her so much! 

We got good news on Monday. It was my birthday, and if you know me, you know that's just about the best day of the year. Yet during my prayer time, I just felt uneasy...I couldn't remember when I had felt the babies kick last & I was scared. You see, no matter how much I believe that God will heal my babies, fear creeps in... It's something that I've written about before, and will continue to write about for the duration of their lives. There will always be fear of hurt, disappointments, etc. and as a Mom I will always worry about them. It's just part of the deal. Anyway, I told God how afraid I was, how I believed in his power to heal our babies, but that on that particular day, I desperately needed peace. 

Our doctor is fantastic, and has always told me to call if I felt uneasy or even if I just needed to hear their heartbeats. I've never taken advantage of this offer, but Monday I couldn't get away from the idea that I should call. So I did, and his nurse said to come in for a scan.

We saw two precious babies with two strong heartbeats. Thank you Jesus. They had just moved around & I couldn't feel them as much. Then in our conversation with the tech she said casually that both babies had good fluid. WHAT??  We clarified more than once because of what we had been told about Baby A. She confirmed, and explained that the "normal" levels for twins was 2-8. Baby A was at a 2, and much lower than its brother, but still "normal."

We asked the doctor to confirm again, and he did, I clarified that our understanding had always been that there wasn't even a pocket of fluid to measure...and he said "that's always been the case." He cautioned that he felt it was probably a coincidence, but we believe differently. For 5 1/2 weeks, we have prayed for God to surround this baby with fluid. We were told by the specialist to pray this way...and God has answered. We are beyond thankful for this!! 

Not only had God given our baby fluid and answered our prayers, but he had taken the time to give me the extra measure of peace I so desperately needed. He allowed us to hear more than once the word "normal" when all we've heard about this baby is how abnormal it is. What a blessing. 

My pastor preached about the Christmas story this morning. Yes, it's July, but this was about God's provision in unexpected and unwanted circumstances. It was a powerful message and very timely for our lives.  I've always been fascinated by the Christmas story, and the human aspect of it...how these ordinary people, just like us were given such an incredible responsibility. I often think about how they must have felt, what natural fear & trepidation they probably had. How scary it must have been. 

But God sent word to them constantly... Fear not, do not be afraid... He knew how crazy this would be for them, and how overwhelming it would seem. He knew that naturally they would be afraid...and he was giving them the best gift in the world: the messiah. 

I'm so hard on myself these days. I've said it before, but I struggle with the balance between my faith and the what ifs that creep in. Every time I fear, I feel that I've failed God...that I should be somehow above the fear & my heart should be guarded from this by my faith. 

But if God knew that Joseph and Mary would be fearful about delivering the savior of the world, how much more does he know how fearlful I can be at times? He himself was fearful before his crucifixion...he doesn't just know I'll be afraid. He understands. He's experienced it. He's longed for peace just like I have. 

He knew what I needed to see that day. He knew I needed to hear the word "normal" in some way associated with this baby. 

Our next appointment at UAMS is tomorrow morning. We are expecting to see two babies with two strong heartbeats....both with good fluid. But I'll admit, these times give me a little fear too....but my assurance is that he's been there. He knows, he understands. 

Please pray for continued peace for Jerry and I tomorrow, and for continued good health for these precious babies. God is working in all of our lives.