What an honor!

Psalm 42:11 (NLT) Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my savior and my God! 

I wish I could be like my husband. I really do. Words can't describe the respect and love I have for this man, or how he's changed my life in the last 3 1/2 years.  He's literally the most thoughtful person I know, bar none. He always seems to know exactly what to do, say, or pray to fit the situation. There's nothing like missing him in the middle of the night, only to find him in the other room on his face before God praying for our family. There isn't a selfish bone in his body. When I pray for my kids, I pray that Jax and his brother or sister would be like him in these ways. No one in the world would have put us together, but I'm so glad God did. He knew who I would need... who our babies would need during this time. 

It's easy to say "Why me?" in times like this. I would be lying if I didn't have similar thoughts in the beginning. That's not to say that I didn't feel guilty about feeling like this. What makes me more entitled to a perfect pregnancy and babies than anyone else? What makes my need any more tragic or desperate than others? The answer is nothing... but I'm human, and even though I know this isn't the attitude to have, I questioned God.  I know I did, He knows I did... and now you know. The secret's out. 

I'm thankful for the supernatural measure of peace and reassurance I've found since those first days when I questioned God and spent most of my time crying, not knowing the words to say or the prayers to pray. This peace is in fact the first miracle in our journey.

One day out of the blue, Jerry and I were talking about the situation. Discussing doctor's reports, the people who had messaged saying they would pray, and the encouragement we were feeling.  I had never shared with him my questioning God, although I figure he knew. He said to me, "You know, it's easy for us to ask God why we have to go through this, but I think about it differently. I think what an honor it is for God to choose our babies to be a testimony for Him." I cried... and silently thanked God again for the blessing my husband is to me every single day.

Wow. What a thought. We don't HAVE to go through this. We GET to go through this. We experience God's provision, protection, and healing in a supernatural, personal way. God isn't making our babies go through this, but he chose them. He chose them to be the vessels of his testimony. He chose them to reach the literally thousands of people who are praying for them daily. He isn't making us go through this tragedy, but he has chosen us to be the parents of these two precious miracles. Two sweet babies whose mere existence is a complete miracle. We get to experience faith like few do. What an honor. What a blessing. What an incredible future our family has ahead of us. 

We are so incredibly thankful for many things, and we consider it an honor and a privilege to be chosen in this way. Thank you God for this opportunity. Thank you for the promises you've given, and thank you for the miracles you're already working.